That is the word that explains my situation for the past months. Writing seems like a chore now and even expressing my thoughts and emotion is much harder than it has ever been.
Putting this up into a blog post however if I had to properly think about it might not be a good idea and that’s exactly why I’m doing this. Saying it as it is, at the moment.
I dread that should this continue, I would have no interest in anything anymore. I’d fade away sooner than I expect and life would just have knocked one more person down.
So, this is to hoping the chain of what I feel which is deeper than a writers block would be broken. I need this to melt like ice and maybe melt real faster.
Looking back to the month of October, I had a huge plan and even made my first ever blog planner. I mapped out blog posts and other contents for October through December but here is me having what seems like a block but isn’t. I shoot myself right in the leg for making a schedule; I’m better spontaneous.
This is a creative’s hardest problem. The fact that I have about four posts sitting in my drafts, a few others in my journal, and others drawn out somewhere on my calendar but I still can’t hit PUBLISH.
It might look easy, feel right sometimes but the decision that changes everything is whether or not to hit publish. One step down or hanging in there. I’ll try to explain what I feel, perhaps you could help me out.
A creative clog is what I like to call it; the feeling however is that of a weak body and a weaker soul, zero zeal to pick up a pen (which is totally unusual) I love to scribble even though I’m not writing anything meaningful.
Back in school, my notes were designed with flowers and all sorts of drawings I don’t even understand just because the pen and paper relationship is my home, my comfort place.
I’m lost for words when I’ve had to caption my pictures on Instagram. And apart from the fact that my twitter keeps crashing, I haven’t been able to tweet; this is horrible for me.
I hold my pen for hours and nothing comes. I drop it and everything comes rushing back, so I pick up my pen and oh dear lovers my thoughts are lost in the crowd again.
How on earth…
How on earth do I stay relevant when these words keep playing hide and seek. Thanks to my camera bag, my canon would have been covered in dust. I used to be the one who couldn’t go a day without taking at least 50 pictures. I’d rather edit then eat but I think I mistaken the shutter for something else now.
Big question; how do I battle this life sucking demon sipping through all my zeal and leaving me pale? I’m curious.
All I used to need for a break through was to feel sad but here I am with no feelings to express how sad I feel about not being able to feel. Its complicated fam.
But oh well, I just thought to let you know that I’m not for once ignoring my blog and my trybe, rather, life has just been……. Life!
My friend @leemah said I should try writing what I feel perhaps it could be a break through so, that’s that.
I broke through!!!!!
See you next post cuties.
Soaked In Love